I've been here before

I started a new job a few weeks ago. It's only 2 days a week, which is about all I wanted. It all came together in a strange way. The job was only advertised in a limited arena and as a temporary position ... I decided to apply without telling DH - I guess just to prove to myself that I could still do it.

When I found out about the position I emailed a friend from uni that I recently reconnected with (the wonders of Facebook!) to ask her help with the application process. It turned out that the job was where she worked, and was actually the residual hours from her full time position (she now works part time).

I was so nervous before the interview - it's the first interview I'd had since 2001. In the end I didn't end up doing anything to prepare, reassuring myself that I am an experienced therapist and have good clinical reasoning - enough that I can talk my way through an interview. It all worked out! I actually found it the easiest, most relaxed interview I've ever done.

The work is familiar. I'm still trying to get my head around all the administrative processes that exist in government offices. I'm also getting used to the consultative service model used, which sees me spending less time "doing therapy" and more time developing program plans and resources for families/teachers to implement themselves.

I'm feeling confident. I'm fitting in.

Walking the tightrope

Life is such a balancing act.

I try not to beat myself up too much, but it's frustrating that I never seem to achieve the goals that I set myself.

I don't think it's that I aim my goals too high - I mean it's not like having an empty kitchen sink is unachievable!

I know I do distract myself with things like computer time and TV. I'm trying to think of it than rather than being rigid and task focussed I am flexible and responsive to changing family needs. As someone who used to be a total perfectionist and master of multi-tasking, a little voice of the me I used to be screams out "you're just avoiding things ... making excuses ... lazy"

It seems the more rundown I become, the louder that voice is, and the harder it is to ignore.

Well, it may be that using the "I'm too tired" excuse is not a cop out after all. For once in my life I actually went to the doctor for a physical. Like most mothers, I always put myself at the bottom of the list for things like that. I didn't expect anything to come of it, as I was feeling my normal, tired self. It turns out that I have low iron stores, even though my heamoglobin is OK. When the doctor explained the significance of the results, it made perefect sense. She described it as "running on empty" ... having enough energy to get through the day - just! It's all an effort!

As we are pretty confident that my dietary intake of iron is sufficient, tests are continuing and hopefully we will have some answers in 3 months.