The young artist

Ms A accompanied me to a craft fair a couple of weeks ago. She had a blast, watching lots of demos, and even completing her first LO's.

The next week she had a few days off school and this is what she came up with:






She was rightfully proud of her accomplishments and has shown them off to all and sundry. An excellent first attempt at twinkling H20's.

Rediscovering my craft desk

Yesterday MsA and I got down and dirty at the craft desk for the first time in ages. It felt sooo good! Here is what we came up with:



This first one was actually the second card we came up with. It's a birthday card for my mum. It was fun to finally use the cuttlebug and the nestabilities. Ms A had full say in colours in positioning on this card. I think she did a great job, and Nanny will be pleasantly suprised.



This second one was actually what I had started making for mum. I played with distress inks for the background. I like the vintage effect, but in the end I didn't think mum would appreciate the "oldness" of it. SHe doesn't like being reminded of aging!

Finally MsA and I discussed plans for a special Christmas project which we see us share much more time at the craft desk soon. Yay!

Babysitters!

Last night DH and I went out for date night. We realised that the last time we did this was over a year ago, back when we had a live in maid. We have yet to find a babysitter here, but after the success of last night I think we will have to make it a priority to find someone.

The reason last night was possible was because my brother and his family were visiting. They had a two day stopover on the way back from QLD to their home in VIC. Talk about a blessing! Over a lovely Italian meal and bottle of wine we were able to talk about a lot. It was great and much needed.

So far, so good

I'm in the midst of "rocking the boat", and so far, so good.

I think I over analyse or always prepare for the worst case scenario, which means I am pleasantly surprised when things go smoothly! Maybe I'm just surrounded my gracious and understanding people.

How lucky am I?

Time to rock the boat

I suffer from the "disease to please".

I'm going to make some tough decisions over the coming weeks where I will aim to be selfish and think of myself first. I'm sick of feeling cornered into making decisions based on not wanting to hurt someone else's feelings.

I hope I am strong enough to carry through, and that those who are affected by my decisions understand and don't feel let down.

Getting things done

Today is MrM's second day at childcare. He started last wednesday, and of course loved it. I surprised myself by not crying, worrying about him etc. I realised that when both the other kids went to childcare I was beside myself. I was so concerned about my babies and sad that a stage of their life where I (and DH - better give him some recognition!) was their sole caregiver was over. I mean, how was someone else supposed to know how to care for MY baby.

I thought I would be even worse this time around, knowing that this was going to be the last time I would be handing over a baby. I think because I was so sick with the flu I didn't really consider it. I am sad that my last baby is fast growing up, I guess I just feel that I can enjoy the "growing up" stage more and don't have to concentrate on baby-ness.

Anyway, today is the first day that I have had to myself since we moved. I should be concentrating on FFC things, but as pre usual housework etc called first. I am glad that I did take the time to get some personal stuff done. I've FINALLY sent out email change of address, and I've already had some response to that which is nice. Even more surprising, I've had a response to a general email request re establishing some work options. It will be interesting to see how things pan out.

I still haven't touched my craft room though!

I'm sick

Urghh!! Still feel terrible. It's been nearly a week and I'm still feeling yuck. Unfortunately the kids now seem to be coming down with it. DH is keeping his distance, so he is the only one who is still healthy. I'm not sure whether DH is keeping his distance just because he is concerned about his health - just as I was coming down with the flu he bore the brunt of one of my temper tantrums, and was told he hadn't heard the last of it, there was still more to discuss. I think he is hoping that in my sickness I've forgotten!

Cool stamp giveaway!

Isn't the Stamping Queen generous!

Check it out

Persistence pays off!

Yee haa! I finally found it.

The missing handle of my cuttlebug has been found.

I was on the verge of buying a completely new machine, as it appeared the handle was lost in the move and it's impossible to buy spare parts. Thank goodness I found it. I was about to blow the money on buying a replacement at the Stitches and Craft show this weekend.

Now I can spend the money on something else - like Nestabilities!

Taking Charge

I've been moping around too long. The bitter cold snap hasn't helped. I've decided to get on with it and move forward. There's no point in pining for the past, or sitting back and waiting for new routines and friends to miraculously appear.

I've had a couple of productive days. I've finally got some of the basic things done - change of address etc, re-establishing contact with my stamping groups, research local childcare and work opportunities. All things that should have been done long ago.

In a way I have been surprised that I have had the most difficulty meeting people. I thought it would have been easy, what with walking the kids to school, finding playgroups for MrM etc. It seems that my concerns that Ms A would struggle making connections when social groups were already well established proved to be not so much a concern for her as for me! I'm going to have to push outside of my comfort zone to try and meet people. I wonder if there are social skills classes for adults??

Adjustments

Over the last few days I have started to try and assess how we as a family have coped with the move back to Australia. We have been back in Oz for 2 months, and in our home for about 6weeks. Surely that is enough time to find our feet?

Well, there are still boxes to be unpacked (mainly in my craft room), and cupboards to be reorganised as we continue to find that original storage ideas were not as convenient or intuitive as initially thought.

DH seems to have settled straight into work routines, having found the best and worst times for train travel into the city. I am enjoying the occasional work from home days he takes (I guess that is the perk of being the boss), it makes up in part for the fact that he is away from home longer each day (commute times). We still have some finetuning on the delineation of domestic tasks. He does make an effort, and for that I am thankful ... its just that there is soo much more to be done in a house this size compared to our tiny apartment. It would be nice for me to have time to think about something other than cleaning, laundry, gardening etc!

The kids are going OK at school. We had parent-teacher meetings this week. Ms A is doing fine, with the exception of spelling. Apparently her skills are ahead or on par with the rest of the class, which suggests to me that curriculum was harder in Singapore. I really felt that she struggled in G3 and her grades put her on the low side of average (more she wasn't pushed to apply herself, and instead enjoyed being a social butterfly). Interestingly, I think it the social side she is having trouble with now. She was faced with the difficult situation of making friends in the middle of the school year, when friendship groups are already established. It is unusual for mid year commencement here. In Singapore, comings and goings were an expected thing, and the kids were much more accepting of change. Here I see Ms A being "locked out", almost as if she is seen as a "try hard" by trying to initiate friendships with everyone. She doesn't seem to notice when she is given the brush off, but I see it regularly when I am doing the school run with her. It doesn't seem to faze her, maybe I'm making a bigger deal out of it than it really is.

MrT is loving school. He seems to have found a close group of friends already, and is excited to have been invited to 2 birthday parties. Academically he has coped with the step up really well. I knew he was doing well in reading and maths in Singapore, but there wasn't much in the way of bookwork going on when he was in kindergarten. He arrived mid way through year 1 (effectively missing 6mths schooling) and was thrown in the deep end with expectations for journal writing, dictation, spelling etc. These were all new things for him. He struggled for the first couple of weeks, but has really excelled himself now. He is the top reader (by 3 or 4 levels), and ahead in maths too. His writing is holding him back, and I could have laughed when the teacher said maybe we should think about OT referral if it doesn't improve soon. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I am an OT. I will work with him at home to improve stroke formation, fluency and endurance, but I'm not overly concerned. I know it's not a neuromotor problem or anything - just exposure. It doesn't help that he is left handed, male, and had learnt a different script style. We'll get there!

Now, as for me, how am I coping with all the changes? I honestly don't know. For the most part I have been busy trying to create/maintain normalacy for everyone in the family. I still grieve for what I have lost in terms of lifestyle, friends, work etc in Singapore. I know I have gained lots being in Sydney too: closer to family (can't believe dad came up and stayed for a couple of days to help organise the garden); weekend barbies etc.

There is a lot holding me form fully embracing the circumstances I now find myself in. I still feel bitter that I didn't have more say in the matter, and I still don't feel I have much control in whats going on. One of my biggest gripes is that I don't really understand our financial situation, and having been the one that paid the bills etc in Singapore, not knowing what our budget looks like at the moment scares me. I still don't have an ATM card for goodness sake! I don't know if I should be looking at going back to work straight away or not. I don't really want to, but I have to if I want to continue my involvement with FFC, and at least its an avenue to meet people.

Fruity

You Are a Banana

You are mellow, easy going, and a total softie on the inside. People find it really easy to get along with you. You suit most tastes. And while you're very sweet, you're not boring or ordinary. You have an attraction to the exotic, and you could show up anywhere... doing almost anything! You are spirited, energetic, and a total kick to be around. You're also quite funny. Your sense of humor is on the goofy side, and it fits you well.

What Type of Fruit Are You?

Waiting

I'm getting itchy feet. Sick of living in the serviced apartment and can't wait to set up house. We signed loan papers this week, but it I'm getting frustrated with the whole process ... the bank is taking ages to process everything, and they "forgot" to tell us that we need to have insurance organised before they will release the money and exchange contracts of sale. Hopefully all will be finalised by Friday, which is settlement day. We now have fingers crossed that we will have our furniture delivered on Saturday.

I've been feeling pretty helpless in this whole process. I mean, we had a mortgage broker, buyers agent, and lawyer do most of the stuff, and DH was the only one liaising with them. I always dreamed about looking for and buying my own home - but maybe it's a good thing I wasn't: I'm sure the stress would have killed me!

Hitting the ground running

We are at the serviced apartment in Sydney. Phew. Departure from Singapore was less than smooth, but that was probably a good thing as it stopped me getting all sentimental.

We checked out the new home on Monday afternoon, and thankfully it is not as bad as the photos DH sent. The bathroom is definately "snug" and in need of improvements, but the house itself is great. How can I complain - I have a craft room!

Today we visited the kids' school and picked up uniforms etc so that they can start next week. They are both walking around in their uniforms waiting to show off to daddy when he walks in the door.

I do hope the school transition will be OK. Apparently class sizes are pretty big. I'm most concerned that MsA will struggle in the big class - she is so easily distracted. It looks like she will be placed in a 3/4 composite class, I think that could be a good thing for her.

I don't have any concerns for MrT - other than I hope his inquisitiveness and desire to share his general knowledge doesn't come across as being a "chatterbox". I guess it wasn't a great start for him when he got in trouble from the principal during the school tour for jumping up and walking on the lunch benchs. Ooops!

Packing

The time has come. The movers are here, packing away 6 years worth of Singapore. I'm stuck in my bedroom, sitting on the floor trying to get enough signal to surf the net one last time before modem is disconnected.

I'm sad to be leaving. I'm tired - I didn't get to bed until 4am this morning, doing the final cull before the movers arrived. DH arrived back In SIngapore SUnday night, and I mistakenly thought he wouldn't be going to work - or have after hourse commitments. Whoops! Guess it really was up to me to get everything sorted!

Running into school soon for Ms A's class party. Tomorrow MrT has kindergarten graduation!

Think we have one last night in our apartment - sleeping on matresses on the floor! There was some misunderstanding about whether we had hotel booking tonight or not. The movers come back tomorrow afternoon to try and cram everything into the shipping container. Then we have Saturday to clean up the place, and hand keys back to the landlord on Sunday. MrT has a bday party for one of his best friends Sunday afternoon - we go from there to the airport!!!

Crazy!

Learning from past mistakes

I saw a snippet of a doco about Cambodia yesterday. It captured my attention for a number of reasons, not least the fond memories I have of our trip there in Jan 2004.

The doco raised a number of concerns which suggested that maybe the Khmers haven't learnt from the mistakes of the past which saw their huge empire come crashing down in the 12th(?) century and that despite their great intentions history may end up repeating itself.

The story focused on tourism, and the management of the ancient temples of Angkor Wat and surrounds. Construction of hotels seems to be going on without any controls or forethought. Apparently there are over 100 hotels in Siem Reap constructed, or under construction - and most of them look HUGE! I can't remember if the doco said 8,10, or 12 years ago - there was only ONE hotel. (I'm sure there would have been guesthouses/backpackers etc).

There are environmental issues associated with water pollution, illegal logging, lowering of the water table etc. It seems ridiculous that the province of Siem Reap which is the heart of the tourist trade is the poorest province in the nation. The ranking of Cambodia as second only to Myanmmar as the most corrupt nation in Asia is alarming, but perhaps sheds some light on the great inequities in the country.

What happens to these people when the tourists stop coming??...

It's Official

You Are a Werewolf

You're unpredictable, moody, and downright freaky. You seem sweet and harmless, until you snap. Then you're a total monster. Very few people can predict if you're going to be Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde. But for you, all your transformations seem perfectly natural. Your greatest power: Your ability to tap into nature Your greatest weakness: Lack of self control You play well with: Vampires

What Kind of Monster Are You?

Happy Mother's Day

It doesn't matter how many time I see this, it still makes me smile. (But is it all a matter of "ego" *WINK*)

A woman, renewing her driver's license, was asked by the woman recorder to state her occupation.

She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself.

'What I mean is, ' explained the recorder, 'do you have a job or are you just a ...?'

'Of course I have a job,' snapped the woman.

'I'm a Mum.'

'We don't list 'Mum' as an occupation,

'housewife' covers it,' Said the recorder emphatically.


I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our own Town Hall. The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient, and possessed of a high sounding title like, 'Official Interrogator' or 'Town Registrar.'

'What is your occupation?' she probed.

What made me say it? I do not know. The words simply popped out.

'I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations.'

The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in midair and looked up as though she had not heard right.

I repeated the title slowly emphasizing the most significant words. Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written, in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire. 'Might I ask,' said the clerk with new interest, 'just what you do in your field?'

Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply, 'I have a continuing program of research, (what mother doesn't) In the laboratory and in the field, (normally I would have said indoors and out). I'm working for my Masters, (first the Lord and then the whole family) and already have four credits (all daughters). Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities, (any mother care to disagree?) and I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money.'

There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she
completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door.

As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career,
I was greeted by my lab assistants -- ages 13, 7, and 3.
Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model, (a 6 month old baby) in the child development program, testing out a new vocal pattern. I felt I had scored a beat on bureaucracy!
And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than 'just another Mum.'

Motherhood!

What a glorious career!
Especially when there's a title on the door.

Is Ego a bad thing??

I was really hurt by comments/assumptions made by someone I respected (see previous post). I've spent a lot of time thinking about the issue and how (if at all) I should respond to it.

During this time I saw the end of an Oprah show about the Eckhardt Tolle book she is featuring in her book club. I erronously thought it was about the greenhouse effect and ways to reduce the impact of it in your everyday life. No idea where I came up with that!

Anyway, the book is infact a self help book ... and my initial reaction on hearing the man speak and listening to excerpts taken from the book was that it was too "new age" for me - and reminded me of a guy that Oprah featured years ago called ...umm, Gary Zukov (or something similar). I remember thinking at the time that he had a lovely "buddhist like" philosophy and was so gentle and calm - but also out of touch with modern living and technology. He didn't even have a TV. I knew that such a "simple" mindset and way of living wouldn't fit in our high tech home.

Back to Eckhardt. One of the key points mentioned was that people should strive for/accept peace in the moment. It suggested that most often we struggle with this because we are either holding onto thoughts of the past (what if/why etc) or plans for the future which block us from just being happy and at peace in the moment. The reason we do this - we can't forgo our ego.

Hmm ...

After hearing that I realised that continuing to focus on the hurtful words said to me I was just making the pain last longer, and I couldn't "be" happy if I was harbouring these negative emotions. The more I thought about it, the more it hurt. I realised that "retaliation" or rebuttal wasn't going to achieve anything. I needed to let it go. So I deleted the offending emails. I felt better, as I wasn't reminded of the feelings of hurt everytime I opened up my email account.

Later in the day I was on the bus with MrM and the thoughts drifted into my head again. At the same time MrM stood up on my lap, looked me straight in the eye, smiled, then gave me a GREAT big hug. At that moment I understood what "peace in the moment" meant. Talk about the weight of the world being lifted off my shoulders - I nearly started crying all over again ... just because of the joy and relief I felt.

So it felt good...

Then I started to wonder why the comments hurt so much in the first place. Was it pride in my professional status? Was it ego?

I never thought I had a big ego. I never thought I cared too much about what others thought of me. I thought I was a pretty relaxed and independent person. I don't have that many close friendships and that didn't bother me 'cos I was happy in my own skin. Then I started to wonder ... am I actually a typical "martyr" .... sacrificing everything for my kids and family .... giving all of myself to my work (when I am employed!).

I imagine Eckhardt would say that this is all ego. The need to be wanted and valued.

That's where I have a problem ... whats wrong with feeling wanted or valued?? We are not loners. We are not pack animals either. But we do live in communities and family groups. My sense of identity and sense of self is closely linked to the roles I fulfil within my community. I chose to work in a service related industry because it makes me feel good. Does that mean I only feel good when I am recognised for helping others and I constantly seek that recognition? And is that "good" feeling actually pride? I don't think so, but it is a part of me.

I think I need to spend some time on "me". I am feeling so beat up with this move - I feel like I have aged 10yrs in the last 2 mths. I need to take time to reconnect with myself ... and my family. DH has been talking about our new home being a "seachange" for us. I think we need to take the time to find out!

Tasteeeeee

Have you ever wondered what the alphabet tasted like - particularly the letter "E"?

Ask MrM.

Apparently "E" is very high in fibre, and hard to digest. It greeted me when I changed his nappy last night. There, sitting amongst the stinky stuff was a small white alphabet bead.

I have no idea when he consumed it. I assume it came from MsA's room and fell onto the floor while we were cleaning up. MrM has a habit of pursing his mouth and rolling his tongue around so that it always looks like he has something in his mouth. I've for the most part given up checking if he has something stored in his mouth ... I guess I need to be more diligent after all.

Rumours

Oh the power of the whispered rumour. What was that game we played as children? ... chinese whispers ... remember how the message relayed was always changed?

I've just had my own "chinese whisper" experience, and it hurts.

Suffice it to say that someone (who I thought would know better!) I know from my professional life heard a false rumour about me, and has accepted this falsehood as truth. The falsehood injured her feelings and made her question my integrity. Her reaction has unfortunately done the same to me.

Be nice people!

My baby girl is 9

A quick one to celebrate a fun and successful day.

Ms A is 9 today! She celebrated by having a sleepover last night with her two best friends, and then had 5 more friends join for a casual party today.

I admit I was concerned about how smoothly it would go, as I hadn't had the time to prepare as much as I had wanted. It was also a little sad as DH couldn't be with us.

The party went fine. It was refreshing to see that a "no frills", "back to basics" party is still OK. It seems that birthday "events" are "de rigeur" ... at least here, where expats tend to have high disposable incomes, and (as much as we don't like to admit it) get sucked into that whole "kiasu" mindset that is prevalent in Singapore.

One of the funny things was hearing the girls have their midnight chat. There was already "boy talk" ... who do you like, etc. It was still tinged with the whole "boy germs" thing, but it's a bit scary to think that Ms A is getting to that stage in her life already.

The cliche is so apt - they DO grow up too fast.

Our other news, DH bought Ms A a HUGE bday present: our new home! Yay! Offer has been accepted. Things are starting to fall into place.

Breathe

It will all get done. It will work out in the end. Go with the flow, and don't fight it. It may not all get done perfectly, but it will get done.

Where is my phone???

It has to be in the house.
But where?
And why is it ringing out as engaged when I call it from the home phone as I attempt to locate it from it's ring?

I am pulling my hair out in despair,as I can't find my mobile phone. I emailed DH this morning who confirmed I sms'd him last night - and I haven't been out of the house since.

It's worrying that it rings as "engaged" when I try to call it. I would have thought even if it has done it's usual trick of switching itself off, it would divert calls to voicemail. I've searched through this messy house from top to bottom, and am now worrying that MrM's latest trick of packing things away may have gone one step too far. Hopefully not as far as the garbage bin...

It is frustrating because I NEED my phone right now. We only have a few more weeks before we move, and I have so much stuff going on and have given that number to so many people...
Just this morning, we sent out Ms A's birthday invitations using my number as the contact/rsvp number. She won't be happy.

Thanks kids!

I don't know what I did to deserve it, but my kids made me breakfast this morning. I thought DH must have had a hand in it, as after he called last night MrT came and told me I could sleep in and he would make me breakfast. Ms A then got all involved and wanted to create a menu etc and took away some of the glory from MrT.

In the end I told them my preferences for breakfast (and the fact that I didn't want it in bed!) and we came up with contingencies for if MrM woke up early and I was still sleeping in. It was lovely. Cornflakes and fruit never tasted so good!

First steps ... at long last

Mr M is walking. Yay!! It seems like it has taken him forever to get from the cruising furniture, lurching between objects stage, but as of Thursday he is now walking the length of the room unassisted. He of course thinks it is a big joke, and loves the reaction we all give him when he takes a long walk. He still prefers to crawl, as it so much faster and I guess feels more secure for him. I can't remember how long it takes before walking (and running - gasp!) becomes number one after those tentative first steps.

I am so relived it happened before the weekend, so DH could see it. We packed him up and sent him off to Sydney last night to start his new job. He is also tasked with the jobs of finding us a house and school while I stay back here and try to sort and purge our belongings before they get crammed into a shipping container in 7wks. Please Lord, Grant me the patience to get through these next weeks alone with the kids without (wishing) Killing them!!

Hot Water

Oh, how I appreciate hot water!!!

We finally had the switch for our hot water system repaired last night. After 3 days of cold showers, it was long overdue. To celebrate the kids had a big, foamy bubblebath.

I got up extra early this morning for a nice long shower.

There are many things I will miss about Singapore. The lack of available hot water on call is not one of them!

It's March!!!

What a whirlwind the last few months have been.

Key events:
* US Trip and CHA
* MrM's first birthday
* MrT's 6th B'day and first "real" party
* Ongoing planning re "the move"

We had an amazing 3 wks in California. 2 weeks play, 1 week work. I can moan about how much it cost, but in reality I'm glad we did it, as it will probably be our last family holiday for quite some time. It's disappointing that we didn't make it to Disneyland - especially as we were staying less than 1/2 a mile from the park - but I commend DH for sticking to his guns, saying that we had been to Tokyo Disney, and there is so much more to do in SoCal.

We started in San Francisco, which was lovely (and cold and rainy), however our stay was marred by food poisoning. I succombed first, then MrT, then MsA, finally D. Poor MrT had it bad and was sick all over MsA in bed, and was sick in the car all the next day (thankfully we had vomit bags!!).

We took a very bizarre route leaving SF: north to Muir Woods, then back across the city to Yosemite, then back to San Jose before heading down Highway 1. We stayed in a lovely Queen Anne style B&B at a tiny town called Groveland, outside Yosemite park. We didn't get far into the park cos there was so much snow. We stopped and had snowplay for about 1/2 hr (with Mr M sleeping away in the car) before heading back. I would LOVE to go back there in the Spring/Summer to see the real landscape and go hiking.

The coast road was stunning. I wasn't sure about the merits of taking the "1" all the way - but I'm glad we did. In addition to the natural beauty of the coastline, the other big wonder we saw was Hearst Castle. I thought the kids might have been bored here, but they loved it too. What a decadent time, and what a decadent man!

We drove straight through LA (on a Saturday evening - not the BEST time to do it), to Carlsbad. The Pinnacle of the trip for the kids followed: LEGOLAND!!! It was fun, and I loved seeing the pure JOY on MrT's face. He isn't really a child who has great passions, and because he is my "quiet child" he does seem to get dragged along to places that he may not be interested in - but at least I know he won't complain (unlike MsA!). He was in HEAVEN at Legoland! In the end, that was the only theme park we went to this trip (plans to do more in San Diego were hampered by bad weather), but I am sure he will remember it for a long time :)

There ended the leisure aspect of the trip. We had to drive back up to Anaheim for the work to start at CHA. I'll post about that another time ...this was such a long one!!

Did I miss Christmas??

As you can no doubt imagine, I've been a bit preoccupied lately.

I've been stressing about the move - however must say I am now a lot happier about it; stressing about telling the kids; stressing about CHA; ... in general, just stressing!!

My body was starting to protest and I succumbed to a cold that had been hanging around home. I'm not sure why/how things started to improve, but they did. I think it just helps some time to surrender to the reality of a situation, admit there is no point holding on to the past or future dreams, and pray for strength and guidance to get through it!

So Christmas came and went with little fanfare this year. Christmas eve was nice, as we went to church and I made sausage rolls from scratch. I don't know what it is with sausage rolls - it's definately not a traditional Christmas food, but it has always been a tradition in my (parents) family. It felt good to make something that made me feel closer to "home".

Oh, on the "homefront" we told our families about our impending move. My dad ended up sobbing uncontrollably on the phone. I had to ring back a little later to make sure he was able to tell mum the news.

We told the kids on boxing day. MrT was fine. He just wanted to know if he could play footy at his new school. MsA, as expected, didn't take the news quite so well. All was OK though when she found out that we might be able to get a dog in our new home.

Giftwise, we were more conservative this year, as we knew we would spend big on our holiday. I probably received the most!! A new digicam for use on our US trip and $USD for personal spending (ie not for the kids or for work). WooHoo!

always the same: always changing!

How many times have I started a post with a comment along the lines of "how quickly things change"?

Yep, you guessed it. Major changes afoot. I think I just need to accept that the world keeps turning, presenting new situations all the time. There is no such thing as "being still".

Our news: we are moving back to Australia.
Let's just say that I was unprepared for this situation. I have finally (after 5 solid days) stopped crying.

The whole situation firmly put me back in the traditional expat family role of "trailing spouse". For the first few days I was constantly defiant and opposed every issue related to repatriating. All I could think of was that DH was thinking only of himself, he hadn't considered how it would impact the family. I saw nothing positive in making the move in the timeframe and conditions that work demanded.

Today I seemed to have turned a corner. I'm able to see positive aspects. I'm not as terrified as I was about how hard this will be for the kids. We have decided we will tell the kids at Christmas. It's going to be hard, as we don't have a definite schedule yet, and that will worry MsA. I've already broached the subject with MrT and he was fine.

I think I'm the one who is making a big deal out of it, and will have the toughest time!

It's a rainy, grey day. Yay!

Today the weather is dismal. It's been overcast and grey all day. I don't like having the lights on during the day (a frugal/penny-pinching quirk of mine), but today it has been necessary.
The rain didn't start until about 10am, and it seems to have set in. It looks like I won't get to the library to return our books after all (oh no, a fine! the penny pincher in me is really getting a workout today!).

I'm so loving the bad weather though. It's the kind of day that you just want to snuggle up in bed with a hot chocolate and read a trashy novel. We don't get days like this in Singapore. When it rains it is usually a tropical downpour. It clears quickly, the sun comes out, the humidity rises, and that's that. Today it is like early winter gentle showers in southern Australia.

Don't get me wrong, I don't want it to stay like this for a week or more (as has happened the last few years we have gone back to Oz for long school break). Just for now it is perfect. It was cool enough to indulge in a hot chocolate. I've had such a draining few weeks that this weather suits my mood perfectly ... and as strange as it sounds, seeing the mood/weather match is actually making me feel more positive and energetic. I'm ready to take on the world again!

soooo tired

I'm tired. I'm doing the single parent thing again as DH is off on yet another work trip. They seem to be more frequent and for longer periods than previously. While it's frustrating that he does the disappearing act so often it doesn't get annoying until the trip extends beyond 1 week.

I think I've worked it out now:

* overnight trips - no impact. No different to working late, band practice/gig etc

* 2-4 nights - laid back, treat the kids to junk food, make no plans

* 5-9 nights - fall behind in housework. Start to feel tired.

* 10 nights - resentment sets in. How dare he leave me to look after everything? Didn't have kids to be single parent etc. Start to yell at kids.

* 11-13 nights - Body starts to show signs of stress, get sick etc

* 14+ nights - autopilot. Somehow things get done. Not entirely sure of passing of time. Occasional "second winds" only to crash and burn quickly.


Thankfully we have only had a couple of 2+wks trips. Usually I've had plenty of warning of them and can try and conserve energy to get through it. The last couple of trips though have been extended while he has been away. That's hard to deal with.

This trip has been 13 nights. He comes home tomorrow night. Yay! As if on cue I can feel that I'm succombing to some bug. Yesterday and today I have been absolutley dead on my feet, sore throat, all achy etc. Time to OD on vitamins! Time to sleep!!

Positive

How quick moods can change.

Gotta love DH.

I spoke with him this afternoon about my concerns regarding the biz, budget blowout etc.

Talk about a pep talk!

He really lifted me up and affirmed what I was doing which made me feel great.

Negative

Negative bank balance, negative physical space, negative head space.

Get the idea?

Just finished a FFC meeting where we nutted out our budget for CHA ... scary. Budget has pretty much doubled what we initially thought it would be. All those incidentals like electricity, floor coverings etc that you (or at least I) would think would be included in the cost of a booth at a large convention hall add up. I'm not sure how I will explain this to DH as I beg and grovel for more money to finance this whole exploit. I'm feeling the pressure to return to "real work" ie one that has regular income so as to fund this biz. I don't want to do that, but I know our family budget is facing a squeeze as it is. I don't want to bail from FFC either, so I'm not sure what to do ... maybe I can become minority partner instead of equal partner ... I think it's that or I'll have to seriously consider terminating our arrangement all together.

The squeeze is on in terms of floorspace at home too. DH started "cleaning up" which involved taking things out of the wardrobe and piling them in the storeroom. That would not normally be a bad thing except that the storeroom will any day become home to a pallet load of cardstock. We had talked about finding warehouse space but decided against it as it would be yet another "regular outgoing" without having seen ANY incoming, regular or not!

All this is putting me in a pretty black mood. I had been very excited as we had finally decided to make CHA into a family trip, but now I don't know if we can afford it. The alternative would be to fly either one of our parents over to babysit while Dean works. Oh, and of course our lease expires at that time too, and with the market the way it is we expect a HEFTY increase.

Sigh.

Right brain - Left brain

Clockwise or anti clockwise? Creative or logical?
For explanation see this article

Hmmm ... graphic seems to have uploaded with a fault. Hope you can see the effect.

Learning as I go ...

It was 8mths ago that Kristy asked me to join her at Far Flung Craft

I guess she wisely caught me at a weak moment, only hours after the birth of MrM. Perhaps the endorphins were still surging, so that I accepted her business proposal without proper consideration :) However that being said, we took a long time to get things going, and joining her in the biz didn't seem a big deal, particually I think because I didn't have a real sense of the what lay ahead fo us. FFC was Kristy's baby and she has had dreams for its expansion for years, I just felt like I was on for the ride!

That was until money had been invested and deadlines started approaching. I'm paying attention on this ride now - and even offering my own navigation tips. For the longest time I felt very much the backseat passenger, because I had no idea what the vision for the company was, or have any ideas how to take steps to achieve it. I'm edging closer to the front seat now.

I have learnt so much, and learn with each task I do. I had absolutely no business experience, no retail or sales experience, no industry experience. Makes you wonder why she asked me to join her!

I am finding my way around Photoshop, and am becoming frustrated that I don't have the technical skills to do the fine adjustments that I want (however also happy that I'm in this situation as it means I am coming up with clear creative designs - my muse is back!) I am thinking about things like budget, advertising, marketing, customer relations, packaging, shipping, pricing, product development ...all for the first time in my life.
It's overwhelming at times, and I know I'm not going to become a millionaire from this. I don't even know how long this partnership will last (who knows when/where one of us might move on). However long this journey lasts, and however many ups and downs we encounter, I'm glad that I'm along for the ride.


I have no idea where the "ride" analogy came from, but I thought I should stick with it all the way through!

A rolling stone

...gathers no moss.

Things have been BUSY!
September has come and gone (phew, my birthday glossed over. Too much other stuff happening to worry about that!)

On the home front, it took DH MUCH longer than anticipated to get his new passport which caused a few issues for him at work. Once it finally arrived he was out of the country straight away, and after extending his trip he is now on his way home. Yay! I've been going stir crazy as the kids have been home on holidays and have taken great joy in pushing mummy's buttons and trying to kill each other.

The big kids have completed the first term at school and we have had teacher meetings with each. Same old story for MsA: attention, task completion, immaturity. MrT had an excellent meeting. No areas of concern, and in fact exceeding expecations in a number of areas.

Baby M is now 8mths old. He still doesn't have any teeth, much to my surprise. It seems like he has been teething forever. You can see the tooth buds and he chews like crazy, but still not out yet. He is crawling though - and getting into so much mischief. He loves all DH's electrical gear ... cables are so much fun to play with. There will be some major "babyproofing" going on when DH gets home.

On the work front .... BUSY ....learning so much. will post later with details.

What's this?

It's DH's passport - after a trip to .... the washing machine!

Poor man. He has had a rough week. The much awaited work retreat was a total disaster for him, with him being recalled to Singapore after the first night to fix up stuff in the Singapore office. He may as well have been in Vietnam for all we saw of him the next few days.

Anyway, sleep deprivation does funny things to you. Apparently it causes you to find and use obscure pockets in your clothes, and not empty your pockets when you finally get to throw them in the washer.

The cost of this oversight? $350, plus no travel for at least two weeks. Somehow I don't think that will mean we will see more of DH at home though ... he will be practically living at the office 24-7 until this gets sorted out.

Ramping It Up!!

Let's get busy!
Heaps of things happening and doing my best to keep up with it all.

Firstly, kids are back at school, which should theoretically free up some time, but it hasn't. MrM is missing not having the kids around and we are struggling with naps and general routine. Hopefully that won't take long to sort itself it.

I hope so anyway, as I will need time to do normal household stuff as our live in maid will be leaving us in a couple of weeks to get married. I'm sure I'll groan about doing the work, but I am looking forward to doing it "my way".

Kristy and I are working hard on FFC stuff. Two meetings this week, probably the same next week. We have gotten past the "pie in the sky" dreaming and are really getting stuff done as deadlines approach.

I've also decided that if I want to be productive with my crafting I have to maintain a regular habit. It surprised me that while I've been getting lots of ideas for projects I haven't been able to complete them. This has mainly been due to lack of skill. Things I used to know how to do I have forgotten, or techniques that I could master on first attempt just aren't working any more.

Once things are settled into as much of a predictable routine as possible I am going to try and establish a daily (only 15min) crafting time. I used to think that such a small time wasn't worth it, as I would be unlikely to finish a project in that time. Now I realise I need to create a habit - not worry about outcome.

Peeved

What a few weeks it has been. Got back from Oz, and pretty much straight after packed the kids up to defrost on the beach in Phuket. It wasn't quite the relax and recharge long weekend we were hoping for. MrM didn't adjust to the heat and humidity well and was grumpy beyond belief. Add to that an annoying rash which first appeared the morning we left (and has made several reappearances since - Dr seems unconcerned: "insect bite reactions") and a cold thanks to artic a/c in the hotel, and MrM was only ready to enjoy our trip on the day we left.
*He was introduced to both the sand (loved it) and waves (hated it) at the beach, and the kiddy pool (LOVED IT!!!)

Anyway, the big kids are back at school this week. Hoping that means I get back to "normal" routine soon. Hmmm .... not that we had a routine .... but I will soon have to, as our live in helper is leaving us in a couple of weeks. She is off to Italy to help her sister who is due to give birth to her 2nd set of twins. She is going back to The Philippines first and might be getting married ... IF her fiancee can get time off work (from UK).

I surprised myself by having a crafty weekend. Lots of great ideas and enthusiasm to make a last ditch effort to make something that might be included in Kristy's book. Alas, dissapointment quickly set in. I have realised that regular crafting time is necessary to hone techniques. My attempt at image transfer was a dismal failure and brought a quick halt to proceedings. Evidently I don't handle failure well! It didn't work the first time, so I wasn't prepared to persevere. Hmmm, might need to work on that ... not a trait I want to pass onto the kids!

I'm baack!!

Yay! How nice it was to sleep in my own bed last night. 5 1/2 wks is a long time to be away from home. I didn't miss the computer at all. Shock, horror. The kids on the other hand couldn't wait to turn it on this morning.

Nothing major to report on my time in Oz. It is important to me to spend time with my parents ... especially as more health concerns develop with each passing year. Goodbyes are always hard.

Didn't get any crafting done - not that I honestly thought I would. I was happy to make it up to a stamp/scrap store a couple of hours away where I was able to pick up some yummy Tim Holtz and Paper Artsy images. Hope it won't take too long to get them inky.

Things are happening over at Far Flung Craft. Can't wait to catch up with Kristy and find up where we stand. I think a print run is not far off - so maybe a trip to Taiwan. I feel bad that Kristy has been left to do all the FFC stuff herself while she has been busy with her *real* job and deadlines for her book (this woman just does it all!). I'll be trying to pull my weight from now on!!

Take a deep breath, you will survive

... I said to myself as I realised the repercussions of my brash decision not to bring the laptop on our trip to Australia.

The kids have been fighting over the computer lately, and seem unable to come up with ideas of what to do if not on the computer. My fears have been confirmed - my kids are addicted to the computer. I have been scolding DH for allowing the kids so much time on the computer when I have been away, and even allowing them to each use a computer at the same time (rather than share time or take turns on mine).

I had planned on taking the laptop, and was happy to go without interent access. I was going to use the time constructively to develop my Photoshop skills, organise the millions of photos we have filed badly on the harddrive, and play around with my potential business stationery (but more on that later - DH surprises me again!).

Now I've decided to go cold turkey and we will all break ties from the computer. I said I was doing it for the kids sake -to give them the opportunity to rediscover imaginery play and old fashioned games - but I now realise I have as much of a habit to break too.

Wish me luck!

Gracious, giving children

I am in humble awe of my children.
We live in a commercial society, where advertising and peer pressure can create kids (and adults) who want - and get- the latest gadget/accessory/toy/clothes/anything.

As parents, we have tried not to give in to this hype, and have endeavoured to raise our kids knowing that "things" are not the most important things in life. We have been blessed with a relatively high disposable income, and at times it is a struggle to keep purchases in check, however generally speaking we are happy that our kids are not the kind that ask for everything. The tantrum and whining voice in the middle of the toy store is never anything we have had to deal with.

Today my kids willingly went through their bookcase, cupboards, and toybox in search of items that they could donate to a charity clearance sale our neighbours are hosting. Proceeds will go to oxfam.

My kids have pulled together 6 large bags to donate. I initially sat with them and explained what donating would mean, but everything that went in the bags went in by their own hand.

Woo Hoo .... I'm a winner!

I left a comment on the talented Julie Van Oosten's blog and won a selection of her yet to be released new products.
The really funny thing is she is based in Perth, Western Australia and I was there at the time my name was drawn. If I had found out a little earlier I could have personally picked my prize up.

I had a great w'end in Perth, catching up with an old stamping buddy. It was a last minute trip, and I'm so glad I did it.

More Mother's Day goodies

Just stumbled across Lisa Vollrath's website again, and yet another download available
Pretty!

Feeling loved

Last Sunday was Mothers Day, and I was spoilt!

I think DH's recent travels reaffirmed how special "family time" is.
(He was not impressed that he was alone, in another country, for his b'day)

I love that he took the time to come up with creative ways to present gifts to me.
I love how he used "old" family photos as well as brand new ones.
I love that he made me breakfast - including the best ever Hot Chocolate.
Oh, and the new phone aint bad either :)

My quest to scrapbook

I think all my "poo-pooing" scrapbooking in years past has come back to bite me on the @ss. With DH away for work and my laptop acting up I decided to spend my "internet hours" crafting. Not only did I want to make a mother's day card, but my pal Kristy inspired me with the projects/subjects she needed for her upcoming Asian scrapbooking book.

For the first time ever, complete layouts came together in my mind. I woke up in the middle of the night thinking about layouts.

First problem: I don't have any 12x12 paper, and I was definately planning that size
Second problem: Rather than use original photos I wanted to print off copies - but could I find them on DH's computer???
Third problem: The LSS was shut on ... National Scrapbooking Day!!! Can you believe it??? (When I went down there again y'day they didn't have what I wanted anyway, so will have to make the trip into the big store later this week)

The never ending birthday

Ms A is 8 today. It's amazing to look at what a sincere, caring, beautiful, and fun loving girl she has become. Love you lots, my one and only gorgeous girl!

MsA hasn't had a proper party for at least 3 yrs, so we thought we would go all out this year. We started early with a surprise trip to Fullerton Hotel on Friday night for the chocolate buffet. Mmm... yum! Highlights: hot chocolate bar with at least 8 different types of choc to choose/mix and match; the bread and butter pudding; some kind of mousse/pudding; and of course the choc fountain.

On Saturday we had her official birthday party at the ice skating rink. There were 17 kids in all (I didn't expect everyone to come since it was a 4 day long weekend), and they all seemed to have fun. I, on the otherhand was in a foul mood as not only did the ice rink fail in every aspect of customer service, I didn't get any b'day cake as DH threw the last piece out as he helped to clean up. :(

I was very proud of MsA. She received heaps of presents. She unwrapped them all, but didn't protest when we told her she could only open one new gift a day. She also sat down with Daddy and printed off photos of each of her guests to send with a personal thankyou note.

Today - the official bday - has been a pretty low key affair. We went into Orchard Rd and had brunch at Swenson's before watching a Maori cultural performance. Daddy was going to take the kids to the movies this afternoon, but being a public holiday, the cinemas were packed so he gave it a pass.

The illusion of security...

Hmmm ... how quickly things change.

Just when I thought DH was happy with the changes at work, he gets a call from China about a job he applied for about the same time things were coming to a head in his office. Suffice it to say he has had phone interview, interview at local office, and is due to fly to China in 2 wks (when he returns from Oz biz trip)for final interview.

I'm trying to be supportive, as I understand it's a great opportunity for him. It's hard to be too excited as not only am I unimpressed with the location of the job, I'm also unimpressed with the amount of travel this position is said to entail: 30-50%.

I don't want to be, in effect, a single mum. I don't care about the huge $$ he may earn. I'd rather have a happy family. We are happy in Singapore now. Would we be happy in China? Time will tell I guess.

A manager who finally gets to manage!

Yay! I'm so happy for my DH.

Things have been really tough for him at work for the longest time. He often talks about leaving his job, but as we want to stay in Singapore and our visas are linked to his employment that is not as easy as it sounds. Anyway, there has been a major shake up at his office, with the boss being sacked due to performance issues (personally and as a business unit). There was uncertainty about who would take over, but finally a new external appointment was made.

In the 10 days he has been on board he has reviewed staffing and has reassigned people. DH, who had been working alone (as they were never able to replace the staff that left last year) has immediate approval to hire 3 staff, and is waiting from approval from head office to hire another 3.

DH has had the title of manager for ages, but never really got to use it. He is pretty impressed that the new boss thinks he can handle a team of 7. He is also impressed that apparently people are now recognising that he has been doing the work of 4 (or more). Hopefully we will see more of him at home now.

The beginning of an empire???

Wow, how fast things change.
I have been offered the opportunity essentially to create my own OT empire.
Who'da thunk it??
I was initially dumbfounded, now I think it's laughable ... it's just so *NOT* me. But I still have to work out how to get out of it ...

I've been hounded by a former teacher from GSS who has set up her own school and wanted me to consult. I went in as they were setting up, as a gesture of good will at 38wks preg to give them some advise, and agreed that we would talk about me joining them part time in August to supervise the therapist they had already recruited.

Sounded simple enough.

Anyway, met with them at their request last week - thought it was just a "meet the baby" thing, only to be given a sob story about being unable to commence OT services and have them beg me to come in for a couple of hours a week straight away to at least do initial screening and support the teachers. Being the softie I am, I said yes, on the proviso that MrM could come too. They agreed.

I ended up registering a new business name the next day, and sent a proposal to the school outlining scope of services and fees. The principal got back to me over the weekend with a proposal of her own. She offered to create a partnership to bankroll my business, provide space and admin support in return for access to therapy services for all their kids. I don't know if she has suggested this as a way of minimising what she would have to pay me - cos although I'm a soft touch and obviously can't say no, I have no problem charging market rate for my services!!

Lisa's at it again!

Gosh, you gotta be quick around here! I went to visit Lisa Vollrath's site in order to download the last of her St Pat's inspired images as I've been away from a computer for 10 days (and for once, not missing it!), but they had been taken down. Never fear, in their place is the Great Easter Download (starting April 1). Take a look!!

Go Irish!

St Patty's Day is coming up (although the parade has already occurred in Singapore, why???).

Lisa Vollrath is at it again, offering free image downloads, this time with a distinctly green feel. Take a look!!

I do get inspired when I see her mixed media work.

I think I will print these ones out straight away, as it is not like I have time to fiddle around with the printer when the urge strikes to create something at the moment.

MrM has provided the perfect creative challenge: art in 5mins!
It's not like he naps long enough for me to create for any longer.

Time to get crafty??

My hiatus from crafting may soon be coming to an end.
It's not like I have heaps of time or energy for creative pursuits, but there could be some "environmental changes" in the next month or so that will make it easier.

I am considering taking the plunge and joining my bud in her craft business. She has major plans for expansion, but no time to implement them (being an international lawyer can be a drag!). We went through her business plan yesterday and I'm tempted to give her a provisional green light to look at incorporating her existing business, however I better wait til DH returns from KL and get his feedback.

I'm (jokingly) wondering whether MsA had a hand in the scheming and planning in getting me involved in this opportunity as one of the big plans is exhibiting at CHA next winter (Feb). I know I won't want to leave MrM (or the other kids) for the week the trip will take, so it may end up being a family trip. The downside is that may impact on our plans to go home for Christmas. The upside (for MsA and MrT anyway) is that the show is in Anaheim - the home of DisneyLand!!

Busy

As you can imagine, time online is limited now by the demands of baby. Generally things have been going well. I'm surprised by how quickly I recovered: no excessive tiredness, no baby blues etc. Thanks to necessity I guess - I had two other kids to keep me busy.

Some key happenings over the last 3 weeks:

- MrT's b'day party at home. It rained again - 2nd year his bday bbq has been washed out.
- My "confinement experience" - Vani, the postnatal therapist came for a week to give massages, use jamu (herbs), and abdominal binding to help me get my girlish figure back (ha!)
- the struggle in getting MrM's photo so we could submit citizenship and passport applications. (++ hard to get baby photo with mouth closed, eyes open, hands down, head straight, looking straight ahead)
- 2 more job offers!!!

Birth Story

Matthew Ryan arrived at 1.53am on Wednesday 14th, Valentine's Day.

So much for our "golden piggy" CNY baby. MrM surprised us by coming only 3 days late - not the anticipated 10+ days.

Relatively easy natural delivery. Had been having Braxton Hicks contractions fairly regularly all day (and all week!), not sure when real labour started. Ended up going to the hospital about 10pm, thinking this may well be the real thing, but would not have been surprised to have been sent home. Dr came in and examined me - 3cm and fully effaced. Said it looks like the start of active labour, so keep moving, and nurses would check on me again in 4hrs. With that comment I thought that meant I was in for a long night of labouring.

By midnight I had hopped in the tub for pain relief and my resolve for no pain relief was weakening. When the midwife popped in about 12.45 I asked about timeframe for epidural, knowing that sometimes it can take an hour or more for the anesthetist to administer it. Midwife asked me to get out of the tub so she could examine me and see how fast things were progressing. She seemed suprised that I was 6cm, and said she didn't think there would be time, as she started preparing the room or delivery, and I started sucking on the air/gas like there was no tomorrow!

My waters broke on the table about 1.30 and shortly after I felt the urge to push. Check: 8-9cm. I remember looking up at the clock at 1.39 when the midwife said the dr was on the way. I couldn't believe it when she asked me to lay straight (legs down) so as to reduce the urge to push. It felt like she said "cross your legs and wait for the dr". Thankfully dr wasn't far away. As soon as he walked in he said "push with the next contraction if you want to". DH said afterwards that he was taken by surprise at how quickly the whole thing happened. It felt like it only took 3 or 4 pushes and out he came!

He had the roundest head!!!

That was the one feature that I focussed on. My beautiful boy was put straight on my chest, DH was able to cut the cord when it stopped pulsing, and we stayed there for over half an hour. I was given the opportunity to put him on the breast, which he took to straight away. DH took a few photos and everytime the flash went there was a huge startle and a look of major panic in his eyes.

When it was time to go up to the ward I was asked if I a wheelchair was OK. I said it wasn't needed, as I was happy to walk up. Little did I realise that she meant can you manage getting ito a wheelchair, or would you prefer to be transported up on the bed!

At about 3.30am we decided to ring Oz for early (6.30) wake up calls to our families to tell them the news. DH went home shortly after, but I was too excited to sleep. I ended up sending sms to everyone at 5am with birth announcement. I was embarassed that I must have woken a few people up, as I got immediate replies ... people really shouldn't sleep with their phones!

My Valentine

No chocs, romantic dinner, gifts of sexy lingerie, jewellery, or eddy bears for me this year. And am I complaining - NO.

I had the best Valentine's Day ever. The birth of my third child!

More details to follow ...

The time is now ... EDD

Surprise! My EDD is today, but still no sign of baby. Had Dr appointment on Thursday, and while there was good news that baby had stayed in head down position (I was certain he had turned again), he was still high in my tummy, with Dr suggesting at least another 7-10 days wait. I had a busy day on Friday, and I think all the walking helped the baby drop lower, but still not engaged.

Looks like it will be A CNY baby after all.

To think I was concerned that baby would come on the 18th (MrT's b'day), but apparently he has given up all talk of a b'day party because he is excited about the baby arriving on his b'day as HIS b'day present! Now what do I do if baby comes earlier/later??? DH is supposed to be in charge of b'day present this year (as I expect to be preoccupied!!), but he hasn't done anything yet. Hope he gets organised!

On homefront news. Dad had a review at the cardiologist on Friday. Dad seemed pretty blase about the whole thing. Apparently he will have to go to the city for an angiogram and some other testing. Mum happened to mention in passing that she will be seeing a surgeon too about getting her gallbladder removed. It's times like these I hate being half a world away from my family. To top it all off mum is trying to talk me out of flying in for a quick visit with the baby, cos she thinks it's too far and too much for us to handle. I just want to see my parents!!

Quiet on the homefront

No baby news! Tend to be having lots of baby movements early evening, followed by lots of "tightenings". Last night had about 3-4 hrs of regular Braxton Hicks contractions, including back pain (ie back labour - hope the baby isn't posterior like MsA). Only mentioned it once to DH, because although they were painful, the ontractions weren't getting more intense or more frequent. I'm wondering if they were simply painful because of the ECV done earlier, which made my abdomen generally tender.

Oh, on the work front I politely declined the offers at this time, however suggested that if they were willing to wait a few months they could approach me again. I've already had a response saying they are happy to wait cos they really want me on board!

Turn me, baby

Well, I was in for a surprise today at the Drs. This baby has been in breech position forever, but I was so confident that he had turned since my last Drs visit, I hardly paid attention to his explanation of what would have to be done if he hadn't turned when I was to see him again.

I should have. Baby hadn't turned. So Dr proceeded to perform ECV (External Cephalic Version). With him grunting, his knuckles cracking, and me wincing as he had his thumbs jammed into my tummy, he concluded by saying that the baby had turned and that would have been classed an "easy version". I would have hate to have seen a "difficult" one.

I was sent upstairs to the labour ward to be put on monitoring for 20mins. Dr popped in during that time as he had a lady labouring, and asked me to stay longer as the baby wasn't as active as he should be. Got given the all clear after 30 mins, but told to watch out for signs of labour or less movements from baby.

An anxious night ahead, me thinks. I don't know if it related to the procedure, but I now have a splitting headache (headaches and high BP were an issue late in preg with MsA), and a generally sore tummy and pubic area. Hope baby has his usual active period this evening, cos he is still very quiet. Thought he would have protested being moved from his evidently comfortable breech position!

In Demand!!

I'm flattered, dumbfounded, overwhelmed, surprised, honoured ....

Get the picture??

For the first time in my life I am a "wanted woman"!

I have had job offers coming at me left and right. It's amazing having people ring you out of the blue, stroke your ego, and sweet talk you all in an attempt to get you to work for them.

I do take pride in my work, and I do think I am competent at what I do. I don't think I warrant the accolades that some potential employers are heaping on me though.

I'd also like to take this information and rub it in the face of a couple of people at a former workplace who made comments that I had no bargaining power when it came to jobseeking and they could pay me under market rate because no one else would employ me (TIP: watch who you cc emails to, especially if you are replying to a message!)

I just wish timimg could have been better.

I really don't know if/when/how much I will work after the baby comes (next week?!).

All my potential "suitors" know my situation and are bending over backwards to say how flexible they will be and are happy to wait for me to start when I'm ready - provided I can give a commitment to them now that I WILL come on board.

What to do???

DH is telling me that if I am in demand now, I should still be in demand in 3-6mths when I will be more settled and can make more realistic decisions about what a want workwise.

I hope he is right.

Gong Xi! Gong Xi!

Last night we all went to a wedding of a colleague of mine from work.

It was the first Chinese wedding I had been to. The evening started off poorly - DH was late leaving work, so he got his taxi to pick us up and go onto the venue, and had no chance to change or freshen up. Apparently the taxi driver was in a foul mood and resented having the extra pickup (you think he would be happier about having a larger fare!). The taxi gave us the runaround and took us to the wrong destination. I was so angry. The invitation specified meal to be served at 7.30 and requested everyone be punctual. I guess I shouldn't have worried. Proceedings didn't start until 8.30.

As usual the kids were centre of attention. Mr T was a bit tired and grumpy as he had a cold, but quickly perked up when familiar faces from school came and said hello to him. He apparently stole the show with the bride's father during the "table toasts" (I was outside talking to a friend).

Ms A showed she is definitely soaking up info at school. She was aghast when sharks fin soup was served and was a real little conservationist, refusing to eat it. She did her best to read the chinese menu and was saying "xie xie" at every opportunity.

I don't know what all the fuss is about. I've heard so many things about the different practises at Chinese weddings, but there really was little that was that unusual. Yes, there is lots of food. Yes, there are costume changes for the bride. There are also tables full of people having a good time, bestowing blessings on the happy couple. The strangest thing about a Chinese wedding dinner is that here in Singapore at least it happens well after the "official" wedding/licensure (?) at ROM.

I guess you have to save up to party!!!

hmmm .... nesting or moaning???

Well, I guess I'm entitled to be a pain to live with at the moment. I am 38 wks pregnant afterall.
After having a pretty emotionally stable pregnancy (from my perspective anyway - and DH has been nice enough not to dispute it) I ended up in tears this morning all because I couldn't get a document to print properly and then I couldn't trim a photo properly. I stormed off to the shower and left DH to sort it out. Felt much better after the shower, but couldn't help but notice that DH had cut out the wrong photos. See, you don't have to be pregnant to make mistakes!

My bud Kristy (from Far Flung Craft) would be surprised/relieved/gloating if she saw me now. I am seriously looking through old photo albums (the "toxic" magnetic page ones) with the view of redoing them in more archivally safe "scrapbook" style albums. I cringe even as I write "scrapbook" cos I said I would never do scrapbooking. I'm trying to make it sound more like journalling or creating artist albums - but given that I am going to have to buy some definate scrapbooking products I know Kristy won't let me get away with it!

The reason for my new found interest in looking through photo albums that have happily sat in a box for the 4yrs we have been in Singapore, plus probably many more years before that is purely nesting. These boxes have just been sitting against the wall in our bedroom for years, and now need to be moved to accommodate baby stuff.

So today I plan to head off to Spotlight to buy some elastic to use to adapt sheets into fitted cot sheets (our cot is way smaller than the cot sheets we already have). I will also walk down the dreaded scrapbooking aisle to buy some acid neutralising/archival spray for some newspaper clippings, photo corners, and maybe a "proper" album with page protectors. I will NOT venture into the scrapbooking store in the same shopping centre. I do have an image to maintain :)

Shhh! Don't tell anyone!

What the ?????

I can't believe it!!! Just saw an ad on TV that a Dark Side of the Moon concert with Roger Waters is touring Asia. held my breathe for dates in Singapore - none forthcoming.

Thought that's OK, I'll splurge and go to HK to watch it ... hang on .... its in 4wks .... can't be, I'm having a baby in 3wks.

I had always joked that if ever Pink Floyd reformed I would be at the concert no matter what - even if I was due to give birth. Never did I think that situation would actually arise!!! Somehow I don't that my OB/GYN would agree to schedule an elective c-section early just so I could go see a concert ....

Sick and tired...

Thankfully not both at once.

I am tired. DH is sick. Of course a man who is sick is likely to make me frustrated - why can't "sick" men either:

1. suck it up and get on with it
2. go to the doctor and actually FOLLOW instructions (ie take medication when indicated, and FINISH IT)

I am 37wks pregnant and can't sleep due to the growing discomfort. DH does not need to give me practice in childcare in advance! He could always be proactive and look after his health!

(Should I mention that this is probably his 3rd or 4th visit to the doctor since Xmas??? Do you think maybe a review of lifestyle and stress is in order?)

Mentoring

I just spent a fun morning at home with a lady I have met only once before.

She was to have been my maternity leave locum, but decided that not only did she not have the skills to do the job, she was not happy with the arrangement/offer made by her/my employer. I must say that I was impressed by her decision, as I know I have felt at various times that I have been taken advantage of by my employer and my value not really considered. She has been strongly encouraging me not to be limited by my current situation, to think outside the box and show my "power" by demanding improved employment conditions with either the same or different employers. She has also made the idea of setting a private practice up seem much less daunting.

Lots to think about.

Anyway, I just spent the morning with her in what I would call a mentoring session. She doesn't have much experience with paeds, and was particularly concerned about her assessment skills. We spent some time going through the non-standardised observational assessment battery she has developed. It looks like she has the assessment part under control, but lacks confidence in the interpretation and treatment planning side of things. We talked about lots of therapy ideas that she could use in both clinic settings and in setting up home programmes.

It was useful for me too.

I should probably look at setting up a similar kind of arrangement for my professional development. Despite what she and many of the teachers at GSS think I don't have all the answers, and am NOT an expert in current treatment protocols or research. I just had a great weekend learning about SAMONAS, an auditory intervention programme, but I feel no where near ready to confidently prescribe this protocol. I would love to have supervision in using it for a while, and someone to challenge my clinical reasoning and encourage me to look at outcome measures more than I do.

Awaiting the transformation

When he sets his mind on it ....

I have an Apple notebook.

Hmmm, it's funny how DH can sometimes see things through without any reminders, and other times it is like pulling teeth! DH was obviously very motivated to look for a computer solution, as less than 24hrs after raising the topic he came home with a laptop. I'm not entirely sure what the situation is - if it's a trial or anything.

I'm continuing to use my PC though, as surprise, surprise, the Mac can't quite remember how to connect to our home network, despite DH setting it up last night.

Meanwhile, I'm still waiting on DH to follow up on some more "trivial" matters he agreed to attend to last year: the money man, the A/C man, speaking to the landlord re possible water in the ceiling etc ....

Technologically challenged

Well, I can't work it out. I borrowed a book from the library, specifically focussing on publishing a blogger blog, as I was finding going back and forth with the online help frustrating, and I still can't get my blog to do what I want. I think the main problem is lack of a good graphics/photo editing program. I am reluctant to download any of the freebie/trial ones from the web as last time I did that (when I started the blog aeons ago) driver incompatibilities or something kept on causing my laptop to crash.

There is a chance that I will be farewelling my loyal laptop soon. It is old (in terms of computer lifespans), slow, heavy ... and never available to me as the kids have become tec heads.

Even MrT at not quite 5yrs is capable of using the internet. He very proudly showed me how he could type the web address that was listed on the packaging from one of his Christmas toys into the browser. He can't read yet, but he definately knows "open", "exit", "next", "play". Amazing!!

Anyway, DH has been hinting heavily that he would like to make the switch to Mac platform. He tries to justify it by saying it would help the kids who are using Macs at school. He tries to appease me by telling me how Windows works on it, so I don't have to learn a new OS, that much of the kids PC software is somehow compatible too, and that we can have a mixed network at home with both PC and Mac with no problem.

I'm not sure I believe the "no problem" scenario. But the big plus is that he is trying to line up a "no cost" to us solution. Can't fault that! With baby expenses, me not working, upcoming travel, and some uncertainty with DH's work that is an important factor.

Feeling appreciated

Yesterday I popped into work to see how things were going with the locum (there were initial concerns!). I was taken back by how warmly I was greeted by everyone. I don't thinkI have ever felt so much that I was part of a "team" as I do at GSS - even though I work part time, and am not employed by GSS. GSS do not see me as a contractor to them, I am one of them, and it is great!

It was quite funny that as soon as the teachers had said hello I was bombarded with questions/updates etc regarding the kids in their classes. I spoke to the principal afterwards and she said the teachers must really miss the support that I was able to give when I was there. The principal has been quite innovative and solved the locum problem by employing a husband/wife team to provide joint therapy. There were concerns that individually neither of them had sufficient skills/confidence etc, but working together it looks like they will make a powerful team. They spent a lot of time over the holidays reorganising the therapy room, and it looks great! I wish them well.

Back to school - the end of an era

Today was the last day of the school holidays. Both kids are back to school tomorrow. Neither of them are overly excited, although they are looking forward to seeing friends again. They quickly got into the habit of doing nothing, so while they complained about being bored from time to time (often!) they evidently became very comfortable with the lack of structure and demands placed on them. Hope that doesn't cause any problems when they go back.

We were going to go out and have a celebratory treat this afternoon to mark the end of the hols, but the kids got tied up with playdates. We might do something tomorrow to mark the first day back at school instead.

I was actually feeling a little frustrated that we didn't go out. Yet another thing on my "to do during the holidays" list that didn't happen. If I think about it in reference to my last post though, I realise that the actions don't matter so much ... we had fun together, which was more important.

Sudden realisation: this was my last holidays having just the two kids at home. Next time around there will be another. I really need to find as much 1 on 1 time with the kids as I can!!

My Intentions ...

I'm not foolish enough to say "my resolutions", but here is what I hope/plan the future will be:

• opening my eyes to see the beauty around me. Even in the mundane elements of life.
• setting time aside each week for "me time", where I indulge in my own selfish pleasures, be it a bubble bath, a secret icecream, reading a trashy novel in bed, or journalling.
• setting aside time each week to connect with my DH one on one - and not just to deal with "business" eg family/family/work issues.
• appreciating my kids for who they are, and indulging THEIR individual pleasures.

That's it. Of course I'd like to add things like exercise more, do more (any!) stamping, etc but I really want to focus on attitudes not just actions.

What a difference a year makes!

A new year, a new energy.

After an absence of 1 whole year from blogging, lots of work, lots of personal frustrations and NO time spent on creative ventures, it's time to try again.

I need to relearn (well, learn for the first time) the intricacies of blogging.

Perhaps I will look at making my previous entries private in the future, as I aired some negative stuff - which may have been exactly what I needed, but was probably not fair for the others mentioned. Then again, I may leave it, 'cos we all have ups and downs!

Christmas in the air

Wow all our shopping is done. DH and MrT met MsA and I after gym on wednesday and had a mad shop. We split up and shopped. I was overwhelmed by the crowds ... couldn't wait to get home .... couldn't find anything. DH and MrT completed their shopping no worries. MsA and I finished today after her Chrissy party at school. Much less painful getting it down earlier in the day.

I really don't feel Christmassy. The house is looking nice, decorated and pressies under the tree. The kids are in the mood. I'm not. DH is away for work again. We still haven't resolved anything re my last post. Seems to have been forgotten and are now pretending to be "happy families".

Ho, ho ho. Where's my Christmas cheer??

Where do I stand now?????

After trying unsuccessfully for weeks to initiate a conversation on our future re kids/work/singapore I finally got my thoughts out in the open tonight.

We still haven't resolved anything. After pussyfooting around talking about whether there was any likelihood for schooling allowance for MrT in the future or if that was what my salary was to be earmarked for, I dropped the bombshell and laid it all on the line.

I told DH I wanted a baby and I wanted it now. This is not new information.

Apparently DH doesn't.

I told DH I was not happy working (surprise, surprise) but would continue to do so for the next year to save more money if we could start trying for a baby.

I got the silent treatment.

I don't know what to do....

concert time

What a day!

First, MsA had her first Grade 1 assembly performance, which was made into a big deal - but given her gala performances last year - was not so big. Half of the grade 1 classes were on stage together, dressed as flowers of different colours, reflecting the multicultural aspect of the school. They sang 3 songs and recited 2 poems, all with a "nature" theme to go along with their current POI unit.

Then, MrT made his stage debut, with an end of year concert for his preschool.
Now that was a big deal!

I had no idea his school was so big - and that he was definately the only caucasian kid. There were 8 K2 classes graduating (160+ kids) in addition to all the younger kids. Every class appeared on stage for an item in elaborate costume, and full makeup. The Christian aspect of the school was definately pushed - nearly every act was a bible chorus. MrT's was in Chinese .... something to do about lost sheep looking for the Shepherd.

Unfortunately MsA couldn't come to MrT's performance (limited seating - as it was we were relegated to watch via TV screen in the waiting room, which wasn't necessarily a bad thing as we got to see MrT before and after he went on stage). MrT walked home in costume and wanted to wake MsA up (it was 10pm). Will have to make do with a re-enactment by both kids tomorrow.

Lots of photos of both events. Even DVD of MrT's concert made by the school (fundraising). Fun!!

family time??

DH works hard, and I understand that he needs time to wind down ... just getting increasingly frustrated that he would rather spend his down time with his workmates than his family. This has been a problem in the past - and is back again.

The kids were very excited that this week has a number of public holidays in it, cos it meant that daddy would be spending time at home. (I was actually a little annoyed that this break snuck up on us and we weren't able to take advantage by planning a holiday) MsA asked that we call all weekends, public holidays etc "family time" because she loved having us all together.

I don't think she would have been impressed to hear daddy tell me that he was going off with one of his workmates all day today to a park that I have been pleading daddy to go with us to ... oh, and of course this was said last night after he returned home late, smelling of beer when he had told me earlier in the day he would come straight home cos he wanted to join the boys for drinkies on friday and knew he shouldn't do it twice in a week.

Apparently the look of disgust and the silent treatment I gave him got the message across - he must have started to sober up - cos he didn't go with the boys today after all. Hmmm.... I like to think thats why he didn't go .... not cos it rained all night and the park would be a mudhole!

The things we do...

...for love... not necessarily of our partner, but for our fave hobby!

In a moment of pure insanity I decided to go to Melbourne the weekend before last for a arts exhibition/convention. www.paperific.com.au
I caught the overnight flight on Wednesday, travelled a couple of hrs by train to spend thurs and Fri with my parents, bussed it back to melbourne saturday morning (as the trains were off), shopped and socialised madly for two days, flew back sunday night and showed up bright and early for work on monday!
It was an opportunity to blow my hard earned first pay cheque. Boy, did I achieve that! Spent way more than I intended. Have no excuse not to spend more time on my art as I have so many supplies and new toys to play wih now.
I just need to find time to use them. Still haven't unpacked as had the most hectic week at work, and still trying to finish off a couple of reports.

a walk in the park

I've been dying to spend some quality time with DH. We are both really tired and busy at the moment and it feels like forever since we took some time out for ourselves.
We just had a really nice picnic lunch at the BBQ areas downstairs. I would have loved to have just walked aimlessly hand in hand and talk about everything and nothing. I tried to think about the last time we did that ... it hasn't happened since we had kids, 6+ yrs ago. No wonder we are drifting apart. We haven't found a time or place to "connect".
Our first "special" place when we were dating was Petersham Park. We used to go for walks there at night, and just sit by the rotunda and share our dreams. We did go a couple of times when the kids were small to sit and watch the baseball games. This was definately a happy place.
Another place was the beach and cliffs around Coogee. This tended to be a place we went to when we wanted to reflect on something. Lots of icecream, hugs and tears shared.

Ohh, what I would give to find a Petersham Park here!!!

I've made a decision

I'm so happy. I have made a decision - not telling you though!
I'm now at peace with work/family/home etc. I've had some time to reflect on what my real desires are, regardless of circumstances/surroundings. Now I know what is possible and what direction I see my life going.
Time to rejoice in finding the way to my personal fulfillment.
I'm going to try and keep my mouth shut for a while. Both DH and I have a some time apart due to travel at the moment. I am going to wait until we can sit down together to discuss this. This is not the time for impulsive decisons, ultimatums, or scare tactics.

Think!!!

Another downside of me working is that it means we have no choice to have a live in domestic helper/nanny. In Singapore this is a very common occurrence and many of the western expats that come here jump at the chance to handover some of the more mundane household chores and childcare to someone else.

We have had Liza with us for a year. She is very efficient and the kids love her .... I on the otherhand still can't get used to sharing my home with another person. And I'm not a good boss! I need to learn how to communicate better with her. She continues to do some tasks in ways that really annoy me, but I can't seem to get this message across.

I nearly lost it tonight. We splurged and asked Liza to pick up take away pizza and while she was waiting to get the bread and milk for tomorrow. She came home with raisin bread (our w'end breakfast treat), no regular bread(!) AND carrying the pizza hanging sideways in the bag. It is not the first time we have had pizza. She knows that you carry the box FLAT. Thankfully the pizza base was a thin, crispy one, so the whole thing didn't collapse ... just a few "squashed pieces".

Can't believe how worked up I got about this. In the big scheme of things it was nothing. But add it to the other little "niggles"which I have spoken to her about before, like leaving boiling water unattended on the stove, not maintaining basic supply of milk and bread, not waiting for a full load for the washer/dryer, etc and my frustration level is oh so high! If only DH and I hadn't agreed that I would work for a while so we could afford to have another baby without changing our lifestyle. Cos, much to the shock of many of the expats here I think I could happily change my lifestyle to one that didn't involve a live in maid!

Moaning already

Knew it wouldn't take long .... moaning already about being a working woman!

I am SOOOO tired!!!! I love the work I am doing - but it is taking all my energy. I need to get work fitness!

Yesterday I had a great day at work. Probably my best day at GSS. All the kids were really responsive - no biting/screaming/crying/running away/zoning out. I then caught a taxi straight to the clinic to see a client for a coworker on AL, and that session went well too.

Just frustrating that I left the house at 8am, didn't get home til 5.30pm. I know that this is a normal day for millions of people ... I miss my kids though, and don't think I should be away from them for that long. I felt sorry for MsA: it was her first day of school holidays and I was working. MrT still gets upset with me being away for so long.

Remember, I am working because I WANT to - not because I HAVE to. I think I will just have to be more strict on limiting my hours. Not saying "yes" to every offer of additional work. Although, I did just get my first month's pay cheque ... and that is definately a motivator to continue working. See it's not all bad!

Surreal birthday experience

Yesterday was my bday. Total non event (not that I minded!). Came home tired after work. DH brought home KFC as "special" bday dinner(??) and yummy cake. Sang "happy birthday" when the candles were lit ....all very nice .... then .... my 3yo and 6yo sang happy birthday to me in mandarin. Where did that come from??????
Definately not something I would have anticipated.

May I give you my card?

Never thought it would happen ... have had name cards made up. Wonder how long it will take me to get through the box??? I guess if I don't end up using them for work I can always stamp the reverse side as an ATC when going to stamp conventions!

Blinkers on

I was happy today to be able to go into school this morning to fill in for one of the "reading mums". (One of the downsides of work! Can't make it to all the school stuff)

I had hoped that MsA would be performing well with reading, coming from an English speaking family, and having me help her at home. Unfortunately she isn't going as great as I had hoped ... but more worrying is her classroom behaviour. She isn't getting anything done, and is distracting everyone. I'll have to follow up more closely with her teacher, but I am suspecting mild SI issues and am kicking myself for not picking it up earlier. It's my job, for goodness sake!

I guess it is one of those things - you don't see what is under your nose. Or maybe its that you (I) don't want to believe it could affect my own child.

Working girl

I started work last week. Yay! I had all but given up, and all but convinced DH to try for a baby instead, LOL!

Last week I worked 3 afternoons at the clinic providing coverage for the boss while she was on leave. I never expected to like clinic work so much. The kids were great. Although the visiting boy from Burma was interesting - had to use his mum as an interpreter, and her english wasn't great either!...ohhh, and he pee'd all over the therapy equipment! Maybe suggesting toilet training for this 3 1/2 y.o. wasn't such a great idea.

Anyways..... TODAY I had my first day at Genesis. A big surprise - they do want me to work 2 days/wk after all. It was a lot of fun... although a bite on my thigh from one of the kids was not quite the welcome I had hoped for!

I have lots of prep work (unpaid!) to do at home, but I don't mind. It's just great to be a working girl again.

(Yeah, I know .... next week I'll probably be moaning about it!!)

Life is so much easier...

... thanks to improving technology. Yeah right! That's what my DH tries to tell me and is the reason I have been "intermittently internet-less" for the last few weeks. Probably a good idea in retrospect cos I would have no doubt filled the blog with my dramas and tales of woe! (Yes, I did cycle again into a "bleak" period - what to blame it on ... PMS, work, DH ... take your pick, lol!)

DH convinced me that it was necessary to upgrade our already superfast broadband connection, justifying it as "testing the technology" for a product they were about to introduce at work. The only reason I said yes was because the cost will be subsidised by work (and not much is these days, so better take advantage!).

Nothing but trouble since the upgrade though. Had to change wireless router and now my laptop can't recognise it. DH was unable to guide me through manual connection, so I was left with occasional access to DH's PC. Have to wonder why I have a laptop - it's not working out to be so portable!